Parenting Perspectives: Baby Destructo strikes again

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Today’s Parenting Perspectives column, from the SheSays section of The Forum …

I joked on Facebook that my husband and I had decided to capitalize on our toddler son’s destructive capabilities. We’d market him as a weapon of mass destruction.

Enemy forces would never see him coming.

My status update was soon commented on by a chorus of moms offering up their little male offspring for an army. They’d be unstoppable in their cuteness and tornado-like abilities.

My friend Tammy said she was glad to know she wasn’t the only one with a “Baby Destructo.”

I’d been warned that baby boys aren’t like baby girls. I noticed early on how much more physical and adventurous Owen was compared to big sister Eve. Last spring, as Owen learned to crawl and stand, I braced myself for the bonks and bruises of boyhood.

But I wasn’t prepared for how quickly he could level a room, tear apart a book, upend a cup of coffee, crush a glass Christmas ornament in his bare hands or climb up on a kitchen counter and start gnawing my Scentsy wax.

Craig, my husband, calls him Hurricane Owen. I call him TornadOwen.

Every day feels a bit like cat herding, trying to contain the destruction. Trips out of the house are exhausting. Craig and I have vowed not to go on any family vacations until Owen the WMD has been dismantled.

But within this daily battle is a blessing – a healthy little boy whose strong arms and legs and growing curiosity let him cause so much trouble.

And so we adjust, baby-proofing in ways that weren’t necessary when Eve was his age.

Very quickly after putting up our Christmas tree did the ornaments move up, up, up until the bottom third was bare. I hadn’t been able to reach the top of the tree, giving it a heavy-around-the-middle appearance.

I’ve also grown far less attached to things, knowing that at any moment any one of my possessions could be shattered, tattered or torn.

It’s harder for Eve, though, when Owen’s chaos reigns upon her things. Moments after we gave her a souvenir snow globe from Las Vegas, Owen smashed it to pieces on a restaurant table. With no future trip to Vegas planned, we scoured the mall for a bigger, better glass orb.

We’re careful to keep her precious things out of reach. When that doesn’t work, our rote explanation isn’t of much comfort. “He’s just a baby. He doesn’t know any better,” we tell her.

I think we all wonder when he will know better.

When dishes and computers and snow globes and Scentsy wax will be safe.

When we can retire the Band of Baby Destructos.

Sherri Richards is an employee of The Forum and mom to 4-year-old Eve and 18-month-old Owen.

Plastic Fast, Week 3: Choices

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In Week 3 of giving up my credit cards, I faced a choice: Put gas in my car or buy a case of Mike’s Hard Lemonade.

I chose Mike.

That probably doesn’t speak well of my priorities, but with a blizzard coming, I figured my husband and I would consume more of one than the other.

That snowstorm and a sick little girl kept me home-bound and under budget in Week 3 of my plastic fast, a feat I’m pretty proud of considering I’d cut my weekly allowance.

I gave myself only $112 to work with instead of $140, a penalty for going over budget in Week 2. I spent $103.28. That included two trips to the grocery store, a drop-in daycare appointment and my husband’s Valentine’s Day present (also purchased at a grocery store …), plus the Mike’s.

My hubby had to pick up some of the slack. His workplace had planned a potluck, and he asked if I’d make my scrumptious fruit pizza. I told him I’d gladly make it, but I couldn’t afford to buy the ingredients.

I also lucked out. Owen had a doctor appointment that comes with a $25 co-pay, but the receptionist didn’t request I pay it then.

I’m excited to get my full allowance to fill up the car and get some groceries, but am facing a bit of a dilemma. This Thursday is Giving Hearts Day, a 24-hour fundraising effort for 177 local nonprofits during which donations of $10 or more are matched. But it’s online, which equals plastic.

It’s a worthy enough cause to break my fast, but I’m looking to see if I have another choice.

Plastic Fast, Week Two: In over my head

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It was not a good week in the land of cash.

A convergence of expenses — mainly an empty gas tank and dog dish and an impulsive grocery store outing  — left me holding the bag with not enough bills. So I wrote a check to cover my assets.

In the second week of giving up all my plastic, I spent $28 over my self-imposed $140 cash allowance.

While I didn’t use my plastic (technically a success that way), I discovered operating on cash doesn’t work well without some sort of structure, like an envelope system. I also slacked on writing down my outlays, so had to spend more time figuring out my weekly totals.

I filled up my car’s gas tank on Tuesday, earning a 3-cent-per-gallon discount by using cash. I only had one squirmy kid with me and there was no line in the convenience store, so it wasn’t as big of a headache as I’d feared.

On Wednesday, I needed to get more prescription food for our pooch. That cost $27.08. Also, I paid $13.50 in cash to the drop-in daycare, where Owen played while I visited the dentist (a check-up paid for by check).

I planned to spend about $45 when I went to the grocery store Thursday. I knew I was limited in cash, but shopped like I wasn’t. I was lured by excellent prices on produce, pop and Pop-tarts, and went off-list not considering the consequences. As I watched the total climb at the register, I quickly realized I was in over my head. My total was $60.86, more than I had in my wallet. I was too embarrassed and stubborn to put anything back, so I wrote a check.

A neighbor girl helped me out with the kids after school, so I needed to pay her. I’d promised Eve lunch at McDonald’s on Friday. And my favorite thrift store had a 49-cent sale Saturday, where I spent $3.14. That put my week’s total at $168.19 (not to mention my husband’s supermarket trip for Super Bowl snacks).

I suppose I could justify that I was $44 under budget in Week One, but my goal was to spend less than the $140 target each week. So this week, I’m penalizing myself for my extravagence. I’ll have only $112 to work with. I already spent $10.49 at the store this morning, a desperate run for toilet paper and coffee creamer.

Time to pinch my pennies.

Plastic Fast: Week One

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In Friday’s Money-Savin’ Mama column, I wrote about my newest personal money challenge: to live without my credit card for a month. I officially started my challenge last Monday, right after I finished writing the column. Mainly because it was 4 p.m. and I hadn’t used my credit card that day. Score! One day down, 29 to go.

Now one week into my fast, I’ve already asked myself many, many times, “Why am I doing this?”

At times, it’s been a frustrated question, like on Wednesday when I had to turn back halfway to the grocery store after remembering I still hadn’t withdrawn my weekly cash allowance. I had to retrieve my debit card from its secure hiding spot, go to the bank, get the cash, then go to the grocery store and spend said cash. “Why didn’t I just swipe my debit card at the store?” I asked myself amid all the driving around.

It’s also been a question of worry, like on Saturday, as I drove to Grand Forks, N.D., without the safety net of a credit card. What if something happened? Would the $54 and few check blanks in my wallet be enough to cover me?

And at other times the “why” question has been more philosophical, a question of refinement and focus, to really pinpoint what I can learn from this experiment.

Giving up my plastic is not an indictment of modern banking. It’s not necessarily an exercise of self-deprivation. My goal is to become more aware of my spending habits. To become closer to my cash. To see if I spend less.

It’s also a bit of a social experiment. Can we operate on cash in today’s paperless world?

And finally, it touches on something I read once, about how kids today aren’t learning the concept of personal finance, of exchanging money for goods, because they never see us make such exchanges. Instead, they see us swipe a card and put that card right back in our wallet. Hopefully my daughter can learn alongside me this month.

So, one week in, here’s my tally: I started with $45 plus change, withdrew $100 from the bank, and spent a total of $95.65. That included a trip to the grocery store to restock my cabinets and buy some infant medicine for a feverish Baby Owen.

I did like that I actually had cash on hand to pay the sitter and send a couple bucks to Eve’s preschool for the upcoming Valentine’s Day party. I did feel the pinch at the grocery store. I lined up purchases up on the conveyer belt in order of importance, so if the total got too high I could put the final items back.

But I’ve also noticed how operating on cash is costing me. I got a bill from the clinic, which I’ll need to write a check for and mail (adding the ever-increasing cost of a stamp). I had to pass on a couple daily deal promotions for half-price gift certificates (though I can argue equally well that this saved me money.)  I desperately need to fill my tank with gas, which may save me money (if the station gives a discount for paying in cash) but adds the risk of impulse purchases inside the convenience store (“Mommy, pleeeeeeease can I have it?!?!?!”)

I’m starting Week Two with a bit more focus and intention, a fresh stack of bills, and an empty gas tank.

Money-Savin’ Mama: Going on a plastic fast

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I applied for my first credit card, a MasterCard, shortly before starting my freshman year of college. My limit was $200. The first time I used it was that spring break, to buy a shirt. I still have the card in my wallet, nearly 15 years later.

My parents drilled solid financial advice into me when it came to credit cards. Save it for emergencies. Pay it off in full every month. Don’t buy something with it unless you have the cash in the bank to pay for it right then and there. Only get a card if it has a long grace period to avoid interest and fees.

I didn’t fall prey to the “sign up for a card and get a T-shirt” tables in the student union. I stayed in control of my spending.

Confession: I did pay interest and fees, once. I needed cash, so used my credit card at an ATM. My bank didn’t offer debit cards yet. I had no clue how expensive cash advances were. I never did it again.

Follow-up confession: I needed the cash because I was at a bar and wasn’t yet 21, so obviously couldn’t write a check. I don’t think I did that again, either.

But through the years, I did start to use my card more and more. My credit limit increased. I got a Visa card that offered rewards. Businesses stopped taking checks. Banking became paperless. Today I use my card for everything, still paying it off in full every month.

In general, I’m a fan of credit cards. They help build your credit score when used responsibly. They’re convenient, letting us pay some bills automatically. They offer rewards, basically a discount on everything you buy. A piece in the Dec. 24 issue of Forbes magazine suggests cash-back credit cards, when paid off in full every month, are one way to capitalize on others’ financial stupidity.

But, as I wrote in an article about credit card traps in Thursday’s SheSays section, many people don’t use them wisely. They use them to live beyond their means.

Gail Vaz Oxlade puts people she counsels on her TV shows on a cash-only diet, confiscating their plastic. Financial guru Dave Ramsey draws a firm line against credit cards.

While I don’t fully agree with Ramsey’s take on cards, one of his points hits home: It’s easier to spend more when you use a card than when you use cash.

Ramsey’s website cites a study of credit card use at McDonald’s that found people spent 47 percent more when using credit instead of cash.

You can “feel” cash leaving you, Ramsey says. You’re more aware of your spending when you use real money.

I realized this last year when I took on a grocery spending challenge, limiting myself to the federal thrifty meal plan food budget for three. I used cash envelopes to keep on target. But one day, absentmindedly, I used my card.

While I could tell you to the penny what I spent on the grocery trips where I paid cash, I had to consult my receipt to remember how much I spent when I swiped.

Plus, my 2 percent rewards card isn’t doing me much good if I’m spending more than I otherwise would.

So I decided to take on another personal challenge: to live one month without my cards.

I’ll spend cash for all the things I typically use my credit cards for, like groceries, household supplies and gas. I’m dreading having to take both my squirmy kids inside the station to pay.

My plan is to take $140 from the ATM each week, aiming to spend less. If a major expense comes up, I hope I can write a check.

Because my challenge is for only a month, I won’t cancel the one auto payment on my card (our Internet provider). But I won’t pay other bills online or over the phone. I won’t shop online. I’ll try not to cheat by having my husband pay instead. I’ll have to hold extra tight onto my usually cash-void wallet.

Goodbye, Visa and MasterCard.

Hello, George, Abe, Andrew and Ben.

Sherri Richards is a thrifty mom of two and employee of The Forum.

Money-Savin’ Mama: Living paycheck to paycheck? Think again

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Money-Savin’ Mama has some tough love for you this New Year. It stems from a phrase I hear employed professionals utter far too often. “I live paycheck to paycheck,” they lament.

Sorry, but I don’t buy it.

There are people who do live paycheck to paycheck. They typically work long hours for low pay, support kids and have faced unthinkable, unfortunate life circumstances.

But if you buy fancy coffees at a coffee shop on a regular basis, you do not live paycheck to paycheck.

If you go out to the bar or eat at restaurants, you do not live paycheck to paycheck.

If you always upgrade to the latest and greatest tech toys or fashion trends, you do not live paycheck to paycheck.

If you spend money on trips, cigarettes, mani/pedis or sporting events, you do not live paycheck to paycheck.

And if you put more than a third of your paycheck toward housing or more than 10 to 15 percent toward a car payment and other transportation costs, you are not living paycheck to paycheck.

You are simply unwisely spending the money you do earn.

Does this mean you make enough money to do everything you want? No. That’s why you need to prioritize. Learn to distinguish your needs from your wants.

In his 2004 book “The Automatic Millionaire,” personal finance author David Bach explained the genesis of his most famous principle, The Latte Factor. A woman named Kim called him to the carpet, saying his advice to save $5 to $10 a day was unrealistic because – you guessed it – she was “living paycheck to paycheck” and “barely making ends meet each month.”

Bach walked her through a typical day’s expenses. First, she stopped at Starbucks for a nonfat latte and muffin. At 10 a.m., she bought a supplemented juice and PowerBar. Before lunch, she had already spent $11.20.

He showed her that, through the magic of compound interest, her daily latte would cost her nearly $2 million by the time she retired.

If you can trim the fat (and nonfat lattes) from your budget, even for a few months, you’ll likely find enough money to snowball a debt payment and/or stash some cash in an emergency fund. Track your expenses for a month or two to see where your dollars are really going.

Still struggling? Financial guru Dave Ramsey suggests getting “gazelle intense” – trim every last bit of fat until you are a lean, mean, money-saving machine. Because in truth, you can’t afford not to save for your future.

Here’s the key, though. It’s more than just making the numbers work. It’s your attitude. If you think you have no money, you will have no money. You won’t treat the money you earn with the respect it deserves. Realize the power of your paycheck.

Too many people fall into the trap of thinking that spending cuts are painful. That not spending money on non-necessities is a deprivation. Instead, you need to adopt an attitude of abundance and prosperity.

Look at what you have instead of what you don’t. Be grateful for what your money does allow you to do. Appreciate the things in life that don’t cost any money. And learn to love the money in your bank account more than the cup of coffee in your hand.

Sherri Richards is a thrifty mom of two. She blogs at topmom.areavoices.com

Parenting Perspectives: Doing the things I want my daughter to do

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Happy New Year! Here’s my Jan. 1, 2013 column …

For Christmas, my 4-year-old daughter got a picture book titled “Just Like My Mommy.” In it, little girls talk about the things their mommies do that they want to do when they grow up.

These mommies go to fancy parties, carry “secret files” to work, cook, paint, garden, build birdhouses and contort their bodies into any yoga pose.

Talk about pressure.

Where’s the mommy who sits on the couch in her robe eating chocolate-covered potato chips? Because after the holidays, that’s all the more mommy I aspire to be.

But seriously, this sweet book really got me thinking as Eve and I read it. Mainly, am I being the kind of mommy, of woman, I want my daughter to want to be?

Eve has said she wants to be many things. A doctor. A teacher. A dinosaur. Most often, a mommy.

One day last spring, however, she told me she wanted to be a daddy. When I asked her why, she said it was so she could go to work every day.

I got down on my knees, wrapped her in my arms and explained that when she grew up she could go to work every day or she could stay home. I emphasized how staying at home with her and her brother was my choice, not an obligation of my gender.

“Mom,” she said seriously. “Can I have a Ritz cracker?”

So maybe age 4 was a little young for a conversation on women’s lib.

But actions speak louder than words. And that book, with the mommies doing so many interesting things, put a newfound importance on the things she sees me do, whether working on my computer, reading a book or exercising at the gym.

Do the things I do match the values I wish to impart? Or would I prefer my daughter “do as I say, not as I do”?

Shortly after my “doing” epiphany, Eve and I stumbled into a conversation about winter sports. She’d watched a new Tinkerbell movie, which featured winter fairies taking part in snowy fun. Eve asked me if I had ever ice skated.

“Once,” I told her. “But I fell down a lot.”

She asked if I had ever gone skiing.

“Once,” I said again. “But I fell down a lot.”

“Oh, Mom,” she chastised me, “you just need to practice.”

And suddenly, I was on a mission. To show my daughter I can ice skate, so she will know she can ice skate.

I called around to find a rink with open skating and ice skate rentals. On Sunday afternoon we found ourselves at the Moorhead Sports Center, lacing up our borrowed blades.

And to my utter astonishment, I was able to skate.

I wasn’t graceful, but I stayed upright the whole time. I even did some slow, wide 360-degree turns.

Eve was also awed. “Wow, Mom!” she exclaimed as I took my first tentative strides onto the rink. “You’re skating!”

Her first foray onto the ice was as you’d expect. She couldn’t keep on her feet with the narrow blades underneath her. Even when holding onto a “walker” her legs zoomed back and forth almost comically.

I cheered her every fall, and helped her back to her feet, despite being a little unsteady on my own. I reminded her how the first time I skated, I fell down a lot.

She didn’t quit. She didn’t say “can’t” or “never.” She vowed to keep practicing, so one day she can skate.

Just like her mommy.

Staying upright on my skates

A helping hand …

Sherri Richards is mom to 4-year-old Eve and 1-year-old Owen and a reporter for The Forum. She blogs at topmom.areavoices.com

New Year, New Word

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I’ve noticed a trend lately, that instead of (or in addition to) New Year’s resolutions, people are choosing words to guide the New Year.

My friend Roxane, at Peace Garden Mama, has done this. Crystal at Money Saving Mom chose two words: margin and discipline.

As a wordsmith (self-proclaimed and employed as such), I’m attracted to this idea, but have struggled to come up with a precise word for 2013.

The word that keeps coming to mind is “transition,” as this will be a year of transition for my family. Eve will go to Kindergarten. Owen will likely start attending daycare of some sort. My work schedule/arrangement will likely change.

But “transition” is a noun. It’s a thing, a fact. What I need is a verb, adjective or adverb, to describe how I want this year to go. To guide my actions in a time of transition.

I did a visual thesaurus search for the word “transition.” It led me to “change,” which eventually led me to “sprout” and “burgeon.” I like this idea, that our family is sprouting, burgeoning forth. Growing. Changing. Evolving.

So I ask you for advice … what verb/adjective/adverb am I searching for? What’s your word for 2013?

What I Read: 2012

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For Christmas last year, my hubby gave me what I consider my most-used and loved present, a Kindle Fire. I posted excitedly on Facebook when I received it. A friend jokingly replied, “If he loved you he would have got you an iPad. Oh well, at least he likes you … Maybe next year.”

Yes, a Kindle Fire is a far less expensive gift than an iPad, but given my family’s frugal nature, that makes it all the more perfect a present. It does everything I need it to (Facebook, e-mail, Angry Birds), with no monthly data fee. There seems to be a wireless network available most everywhere I go.

Plus, I’ve been able to read far more than motherhood would otherwise allow, and have yet to pay for a book thanks to free titles on Amazon and access to a vast selection of e-books through the Fargo Public Library.

It also helps me keep track of what I’ve read, which is why I can compile this list for you. Here’s a recap of my literary (I use that term loosely) consumption in 2012:

“For One More Day” by Mitch Albom
“Stay Tuned” by Lauren Clark
“Winning the Wallflower: A Novella” by Eloisa James
“The Carrie Diaries” by Candace Bushnell
“Absolutely Organize Your Family: Simple Solutions to Control Clutter, Schedules and Spaces” by Debbie Lillard
“The Girl Who Played with Fire” and “The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest” by Stieg Larsson (1)
“The Help” by Kathryn Stockett
“Scenes of Suburban Mayhem” and “The Summer Son” by Craig Lancaster (2)
“Water for Elephants” by Sara Gruen
“Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” by Jonathan Safran Foer
“Fifty Shades of Grey,” “Fifty Shades Darker” and “Fifty Shades Freed” by E L  James (3)
“Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children” by Ransom Riggs
“Shopaholic Takes Manhattan,” “Shopaholic Ties the Knot,” “Shopaholic and Sister,”
“Shopaholic and Baby” and “Mini Shopaholic” by Sophie Kinsella (4)
“The Postmistress” by Sarah Blake
“The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business” by Charles Duhigg
“I Don’t Know How She Does It: The Life of Kate Reddy, Working Mother” by Allison Pearson
“Wild” and “Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar” (5) by Cheryl Strayed
“Five People You Meet in Heaven” by Mitch Albom
“The Dressmaker” by Kate Alcott (6)

(1) I read book one of the trilogy, ”The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo,” in late 2011.
(2) Lancaster is a noted Montana author, and happens to be married to my best friend. Check out his book “600 Hours of Edward.”
(3) Yeah, yeah, I know.
(4) I’d read “Confessions of a Shopaholic” YEARS ago, but recently discovered that Rebecca Bloomwood’s story continued. Yes, this is escapist chick lit. I admit it.
(5) I only read half this book, not because it wasn’t good (the writing is beautiful, the letters and advice compelling), I just ran out of time!
(6) In progress

First up in 2013 is “Gone Girl” by Gillian Flynn. I’ve heard great things about that book. I’m also hoping to read “Torch,” a novel by Strayed, and a borrowed copy of “Have a Little Faith” by Albom rests on my nightstand. I’m looking forward to the release of  Lancaster’s sequel “Edward Adrift” in April.

Happy New Year, and happy reading!

What did you read in 2012? Any recommendations for 2013?

Parenting Perspectives: Language breakthroughs at every age

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My latest Parenting Perspectives column, printed in The Forum Dec. 25 …

My house is on the verge of a language explosion.

Little Owen, now 16 months, babbles from morning to night, forming every consonant sound along the way. But he has yet to meld these syllables into many words beyond “mama” and “dada.”

Honestly, I’d been a bit worried about his language development. Big sister Eve started talking before a year, and I don’t think she’s stopped to take a breath since.

At one of Eve’s toddler check-ups, the pediatrician asked how many words she knew. I had no clue. She was stringing together sentences as long as eight words by then.

Logically, I know boys tend to pick up verbal skills later than girls, and Owen is well within the range of normal. A developmental screening showed me so.

He communicates, the child development screener reassured me. He points his perfectly pudgy hand at exactly what he wants. He sharply nods his head once for yes and shakes it like an oscillating fan for no. He taps his index finger against his palm to mean “more” and wiggles his fingers for milk, his own adaptation of the common baby signs.

But spoken words are such rewarding milestones. And once baby knows enough of those words, parenting gets just a bit easier. It’s not so much of a guessing game of what your child wants or needs.

One day, Owen was in his high chair. “Wawawawawa,” he babbled.

“Water?” I asked. “Do you want a glass of water?”

When I started to fill his sippy cup at the kitchen sink, he shrieked in delight and understanding. I call it our Helen Keller moment. I’m anxiously awaiting more.

Meanwhile, 4-year-old Eve is advancing her language skills as well, beginning to read. It’s amazing to watch her take these 26 letters we’ve been reciting for years, attach sounds to their shapes, and put it all together. It’s like something just clicked in her preschool head.

Thanks to my husband, Craig’s, patient efforts each night, she’s now reading us bedtime stories. We write down random words to make sure she’s reading and not just reciting.

One day Craig wrote down f-a-r-t. Eve studied it, and politely said she wasn’t going to say “that word” aloud. He added h-e-r to the end and she sounded out “farther.”

Eve’s foray into reading has also made me realize just how difficult our language is to decode, as I try to explain why there’s no “sh” in sure; why the “gh” makes no sound in light or through but sounds like “eff ” in enough and tough; why “o” can also sound like “ah” or “ooh” or “ow;” why Christmas doesn’t start with a “k” and why the “ch” doesn’t sound like it does in church.

“Some words are just silly,” is my best explanation.

Such silly words to read, and so sweet to hear.

Sherri Richards is mom to 4-year-old Eve and 1-year-old Owen and a reporter for The Forum. She blogs at topmom.areavoices.com