Tag Archives: family

Parenting Perspectives: Keeping an open heart in the midst of rejection

Posted on by
Reply

My Parenting Perspectives column from May 14, as printed in The Forum …

My husband, Craig, is ready to leave for work, but can’t quite shake the 24-pound weight clinging to his ankles. Once again, I peel little Owen off his “Da Da,” to screams and shrieks and slaps.

“What’d I ever do to you?” I ask my toddler rhetorically, after unsuccessfully trying to soothe his cries.

It’s a near daily scene in our entryway, and the rejection of my precious son stings fresh each time.

Sure, we have wonderful moments throughout each day, when my little boy reaches for my hand, crawls in my lap or lets me cuddle him. But they’re hard to remember when Owen pushes me away, pulls my hair, or swats at me like he does inanimate objects he believes tripped or bumped into him.

Our daughter, Eve, favored her daddy early on, too, but never outright rejected “Ma Ma” the way my son does.

I’m sure just a phase. “This too shall pass,” I repeat to myself as I’m sure have other moms stuck in frustrating stages.

Still, it stings. And it’s gotten me thinking about rejection. How at some point or other, all kids reject their parents somehow, knowingly or unknowingly.

I remember once when I was a teenager, my mom listening to polka music on the radio. She grabbed my arm and tried to teach me the polka, step-hopping around the kitchen. I rolled my eyes and shook her off.

How I wish my memory of that were different, that instead I’d welcomed her embrace and danced across the linoleum with her.

Mom doesn’t remember that particular incident, but recalls walking down the street with me until I quickly got 10 paces ahead of her, like I didn’t want to be seen with her. “OK,” she thought, and let me stay ahead of her.

It’s necessary, I guess, for children – toddlers and teens alike – to push away their parents as they grow into independent people.

But how do we deal with that rejection as parents?

I have a favorite quote about parenting, something I saw on a sheet of scrapbooking vellum as I put together Eve’s first album. “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”

I loved it, because I thought it referred to the sheer amount of love a parent feels for a child.

Now, as a second-time parent who hasn’t even started her son’s scrapbook, I find different meaning in it.

It’s saying a parent’s heart is no longer his or her own. No longer can I shield mine from heartbreak. I’ve already given it away.

Those pudgy little hands can – and will – rip it in two. Those tiny feet can – and will – stomp on it.

I’ll need to endure it while not hardening my heart. To keep it tender and loving, for when my child’s hand once again reaches for mine.

Sherri Richards is a reporter for The Forum and mom to 5-year-old Eve and 21-month-old Owen

Parenting Perspectives: Days fly by despite how you keep track of them

Posted on by
1

In high school, I bought a lavender spiral-bound day planner, convinced it would keep me neat and organized. I filled the early pages with color-coded homework assignments and extracurriculars.

Within weeks, the planner was abandoned at the bottom of my messy locker, the rest of its pages crisp and clean.

Throughout college and into the working world, I tried different ways to keep track of my schedule, but always slipped back to scribbling notes on scraps of paper.

Finally a husband, two kids, two pets, a house and a job have forced me to use a calendar.

Now I have four.

There’s the 12-month wall calendar I use for long-term planning. Daily reminders beep at me from my phone. Work appointments go on a Google calendar I always forget to open.

And on my fridge is my lifeline, the only planning tool I’ve ever stuck with – a magnetic Mead circle-the-date planner, unsurprisingly part of the company’s “For Mom” line.

It has four sets of lines, presumably one per family member, though I use them to plan out four days at a time. There’s space on the side to write lists or notes. It’s even trimmed in red, my favorite color.

I flew through the sheets, and was crushed when I couldn’t find another one at the store.

Desperate, I bought a magnetic dry-erase grid calendar from the back-to-school clearance aisle. Within days I knew it wouldn’t work. I scoured the web for my treasured “for Mom” planner, and bought two off Amazon.

I gave the dry erase calendar and markers to 5-year-old Eve. Unlike her mom, she seems to have adapted well to calendar use at an early age.

At the beginning of each month, I help her fill in all 30 or 31 numbers in the appropriate boxes. Then we draw pictures of key events on the right dates.

Each day, she draws an X through the day we finished.

So as I sat to type this column at the end of March, I stared at a whole month of her wobbly Xs and wondered where that month had gone.

Preschool days and lazy weekends, all crossed off.

Swimming lessons, St. Patrick’s Day, dentist and doctor appointments obscured by her criss-crossed lines.

And most poignant to me, Eve’s fifth birthday, X’d out. Not just another month, but another year of her life in the books.

I started to think about all the moments not recorded on a dry-erase calendar, not planned in advance on my circle-the-date sheets.

Painting each other’s toenails green on the Saturday before St. Patty’s Day.

Reading “Little House on the Prairie” stories while snuggled in her bed.

Dancing in the living room to the George Strait Christmas CD we listened to every day last month.

I wonder how quickly these mundane yet wonderful moments will slip from my memory, like so many of the last 1,820-plus days.

Now the calendar is freshly drawn in marker. It’s April, and time marches on.

Sherri Richards is a reporter for The Forum and mom to 5-year-old Eve and 20-month-old Owen.

Some purr-fect cupcakes

Posted on by
1

When my kids’ birthdays roll around, I can come up with some creative party theme ideas. However, I lack the technical skills to create the epic party perfection so proudly displayed on Pinterest. A three-tiered, fondant-covered fairy woodland cake? Not gonna happen.

But I can create some pretty cute cupcakes, using my vast knowledge of boxed cake mix, frosting in a can and store-bought candy.

For Eve’s second birthday, I decorated cupcakes like Sesame Street characters. I used marshmallows and chocolate chips for their round eyes, halved Oreo cookies for the mouths, gumballs for noses and licorice for hair and eyebrows.

Can you name that Sesame Street resident? (Clockwise from upper left) Ernie, Oscar, Elmo and Cookie Monster

Now for her fifth birthday party on Saturday, I’m at it again. Eve chose Hello Kitty invitations and I ran with the theme for the goodie bags and tableware. I very nearly bought a HK cake pan, but decided instead on the far-less-expensive red and pink cupcake liners. Then I realized Hello Kitty’s face would fit pretty nicely on them.

Today, Eve and I stirred up two boxes of strawberry cake mix. After our cupcakes were cool, I frosted them with vanilla frosting and set about decorating. I knew I wanted to use yellow M&Ms for her nose (‘M’ side down, Eve insisted), but realized as I sorted through the large bag that the brown would work well for eyes and the red could add to her bow (as for the blue, orange and green, I had no choice but to eat them …). I bought some pull-and-peel red licorice for her hair bow, thinking I could loop/twist/tie the ropes into bows, but soon abandoned that plan and just placed half-inch pieces on either side of the red M&M. Some black writing gel made for easy whiskers.

Well, Hello Kitty

Eve also decorated her own cupcake, too.

We switched to chocolate chips after the brown M&Ms ran out

Four dozen later, we’re ready to party. Say goodbye, kitties!

Meow

New Year, New Word

Posted on by
Reply

I’ve noticed a trend lately, that instead of (or in addition to) New Year’s resolutions, people are choosing words to guide the New Year.

My friend Roxane, at Peace Garden Mama, has done this. Crystal at Money Saving Mom chose two words: margin and discipline.

As a wordsmith (self-proclaimed and employed as such), I’m attracted to this idea, but have struggled to come up with a precise word for 2013.

The word that keeps coming to mind is “transition,” as this will be a year of transition for my family. Eve will go to Kindergarten. Owen will likely start attending daycare of some sort. My work schedule/arrangement will likely change.

But “transition” is a noun. It’s a thing, a fact. What I need is a verb, adjective or adverb, to describe how I want this year to go. To guide my actions in a time of transition.

I did a visual thesaurus search for the word “transition.” It led me to “change,” which eventually led me to “sprout” and “burgeon.” I like this idea, that our family is sprouting, burgeoning forth. Growing. Changing. Evolving.

So I ask you for advice … what verb/adjective/adverb am I searching for? What’s your word for 2013?

Parenting Perspectives: Language breakthroughs at every age

Posted on by
2
My latest Parenting Perspectives column, printed in The Forum Dec. 25 …

My house is on the verge of a language explosion.

Little Owen, now 16 months, babbles from morning to night, forming every consonant sound along the way. But he has yet to meld these syllables into many words beyond “mama” and “dada.”

Honestly, I’d been a bit worried about his language development. Big sister Eve started talking before a year, and I don’t think she’s stopped to take a breath since.

At one of Eve’s toddler check-ups, the pediatrician asked how many words she knew. I had no clue. She was stringing together sentences as long as eight words by then.

Logically, I know boys tend to pick up verbal skills later than girls, and Owen is well within the range of normal. A developmental screening showed me so.

He communicates, the child development screener reassured me. He points his perfectly pudgy hand at exactly what he wants. He sharply nods his head once for yes and shakes it like an oscillating fan for no. He taps his index finger against his palm to mean “more” and wiggles his fingers for milk, his own adaptation of the common baby signs.

But spoken words are such rewarding milestones. And once baby knows enough of those words, parenting gets just a bit easier. It’s not so much of a guessing game of what your child wants or needs.

One day, Owen was in his high chair. “Wawawawawa,” he babbled.

“Water?” I asked. “Do you want a glass of water?”

When I started to fill his sippy cup at the kitchen sink, he shrieked in delight and understanding. I call it our Helen Keller moment. I’m anxiously awaiting more.

Meanwhile, 4-year-old Eve is advancing her language skills as well, beginning to read. It’s amazing to watch her take these 26 letters we’ve been reciting for years, attach sounds to their shapes, and put it all together. It’s like something just clicked in her preschool head.

Thanks to my husband, Craig’s, patient efforts each night, she’s now reading us bedtime stories. We write down random words to make sure she’s reading and not just reciting.

One day Craig wrote down f-a-r-t. Eve studied it, and politely said she wasn’t going to say “that word” aloud. He added h-e-r to the end and she sounded out “farther.”

Eve’s foray into reading has also made me realize just how difficult our language is to decode, as I try to explain why there’s no “sh” in sure; why the “gh” makes no sound in light or through but sounds like “eff ” in enough and tough; why “o” can also sound like “ah” or “ooh” or “ow;” why Christmas doesn’t start with a “k” and why the “ch” doesn’t sound like it does in church.

“Some words are just silly,” is my best explanation.

Such silly words to read, and so sweet to hear.

Sherri Richards is mom to 4-year-old Eve and 1-year-old Owen and a reporter for The Forum. She blogs at topmom.areavoices.com

Shiny Happy Faces

Posted on by
2

Every day this week, the mailman has brought me greetings from afar, typically photo cards featuring the smiling faces of friends and family. But this year, I’ve started to wonder about these picture-perfect greetings.

I’ve sent picture Christmas cards since 2003, the first featuring Craig and my engagement photo. The next year was a photo from our wedding, bubbles surrounding us as we exited the church. We posed in front of the tree with our kitty and puppy in 2005. My pregnant belly filled the 2007 card. And in 2008, we were back in front of the tree, this time with Baby Eve.

Our photo cards continued to reflect our growing family. But this year, something seemed a little fake about the cards I sent, which featured this picture prominently:

Yes, Santa, we’ve been good all year.

We’d dressed up in color-coordinated outfits, braved the photo studio on a Saturday morning, and our patient photographer captured that stereotypical family photo during our 20-minute session. Yes, it’s us. But it’s not reality.

This is reality:

Seriously, are we done yet?

And this:

Here comes Santa Claus … and there goes Owen.

And if Christmas cards were about reflecting reality, I would have sent one of those pictures as my card. It would have been funny. I’m pretty sure my mother would have been appalled.

But looking at the stack of holiday greetings I’ve received from others, it seems standard practice to send out shiny-faced posed versions of ourselves.

Why? Is it a self-conscious desire to always put our best foot forward? Does it have to do with the nature of Christmas itself? We adorn trees and houses and gifts with pretty dressings, of course we would do the same to ourselves.

I read a quote not long ago (attributed to Pastor Steve Furtick): “The reason we struggle with insecurity is we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” What would happen if we all started to send cards (and letters, for that matter) that reflected our behind-the-scenes life?

Maybe next year I’ll be brave enough to send a card documenting one of the funny/exasperating/embarrassing/warts-and-all moments sure to happen in 2013.

For now, Merry Christmas from my smiling (and crying, whining, laughing, fighting, loving, messy) family to yours.

Money-Savin’ Mama: Dollar stores can stretch family budget

Posted on by
Reply

What are your favorite dollar store purchases?  Leave a comment with the hits or misses …

My newfound obsession with dollar stores started with spices. I’d run in to a fellow frugal friend while grocery shopping. She mentioned she was going to a nearby dollar store to get a few different spices, the final items on her list.

Spices for a dollar? Genius, I thought. My husband had started making his own barbecue rub, which had depleted my spice cupboard.

I started to realize other treasures could be found at these most-discounted of discount stores, especially for special occasions.

I hit them up for my son’s birthday party supplies this summer, and again in October for daughter Eve’s princess costume accessories, as well as a wedding greeting card and gift wrap. Now that December has rolled around, it’s looking a lot like Christmas, all for a dollar.

This week I picked up a fresh roll of holiday gift wrap, plus scissors and a two-pack of Scotch tape, each for a dollar. I found some stocking stuffers for the kids, and even my husband’s Christmas present for $4. (Shh … don’t tell.)

I took note of the Christmas cards, candy, stockings and ornaments. Here were items I often look for after the holidays on clearance, at clearance prices already.

I also grabbed a box of crackers for my daughter’s preschool snack stash and some kid 2-in-1 shampoo. I was tempted by some funky nail polish and glitter glue for crafting.

On past trips I’ve purchased cleaning supplies, groceries and baby wipes. I’ve noticed a wide selection of kitchen utensils and linens, plastic storage containers, school supplies and home décor items like picture frames. Eve and I will be heading to the dollar again soon to pick out a prize for reading 10 books by herself.

The Fargo-Moorhead metro is home to several dollar store options. Dollar Tree, in Fargo and Dilworth, is a true dollar store in my mind, as everything there actually is a dollar. Loopy’s in Moorhead boasts $1 and $2 deals, as well as other discounted merchandise. Family Dollar, which has three local stores, carries items at a variety of price points.

Here’s the (non-spice) rub, though: Not everything at a dollar store is a good deal.

Often, the cleaning product or food containers are smaller, so the per-ounce price may be bigger than you’d pay at a grocery or big box store. Pay attention and know your prices.

Quality can also be an issue. The glow-in-the-dark wand I bought Eve for  Halloween didn’t glow, and actually started leaking when I cracked it a bit too enthusiastically.

It can also be easy to overspend at a dollar store. “It’s only a dollar,” you think, throwing something else in the cart. Those dollars add up quickly. Know what you want to get when you walk in the door, and limit impulse purchases.

But adding a trip to your favorite dollar store this month may help “buck” holiday overspending.

Sherri Richards is a reporter for The Forum and thrifty mom of two. She can be reached at srichards@forumcomm.com and blogs at http://topmom.areavoices.com

 

Ready for a break from life in the hamster wheel

Posted on by
Reply

My Parenting Perspectives column for Nov. 13 …

The realization hit me on a Monday as I hung my kids’ laundered-acouple-days-ago clothes in their closets.

I’m trapped in a hamster wheel.

I was finally finishing that round of laundry, and both their laundry baskets were already full of dirty clothes.

I’d stayed up late the night before to pick up the house. It was trashed by noon.

While I emptied the dishwasher, a pile of dirty dishes stared back at me from the sink.

Just as I breathed a sigh of relief for having finished one work assignment, three more were added to my plate.

Like those cute furry rodents, it feels like I run and run and run on my wheel and somehow find myself right back where I started.

“Can I hop off, please?” I begged my Facebook friends that Monday.

Obviously my complaint reflects an abundance of blessings. My kids have clothes. We have a home that gets messy and food that dirties our dishes. I have a job that pays me to write.

And surely the never-ending loop of life’s more mundane tasks grates on us all at some point. But I do believe it’s more acute for moms whose work centers in and around the home.

This concept first occurred to me this spring when I read “The Essential Stay-at-Home Mom Manual” by Moorhead native Shannon Hyland-Tassava.

In the book Hyland-Tassava talks about how frustrating that work-is-never-done aspect of motherhood can be. It’s not like at the office, when you can shut the door and say that’s all for the day, she says. There’s not the same separation.

Instead, she writes, moms need to manufacture their own breaks and end points, something I haven’t been successful at doing. Mostly, because I have trouble pinpointing any sort of end when I consider my litany of chores. Every fresh diaper gets soiled sooner or later (usually sooner).

As I think back at different points in my life, it seems like my time was devoted to forward progress. In college, each paper written or class passed brought me that much closer to a degree. In my 20s, I planned for a wedding, redecorated a house and prepared for my daughter’s arrival.

Now, though, I spend most of my time on tasks that constantly get undone.

I’ve thought a lot about setting new life goals to provide myself with an end-game, some forward progress to shoot for, but I’m not sure the answer is more work.

If anything, there’s a lack of play in my life.

When I made my hamster wheel analogy on Facebook, my friend Angie suggested a vacation to her Montana home would do wonders. I don’t disagree. A break – to hop off for a long weekend – may be just what the veterinarian ordered.

Perhaps I’ll try a different wheel. Roulette, for example. Vegas, here I come.

Sherri Richards is mom to 4-year-old Eve and 1-year-old Owen and a reporter for The Forum. She blogs at topmom.areavoices.com

Parenting Perspectives: Gears of time turn Mom toward kindergarten

Posted on by
Reply

Time does funny things when you become a parent. Days get long. Years fly by. And before you know it, you’re sitting in an elementary school classroom with your soon-to-be kindergartner.

That’s where I found myself last Thursday, though it’s another year before Eve starts school, I remind myself with a deep breath.

But our family is already preparing for next fall, having enrolled 4-year-old Eve in Gearing Up for Kindergarten, a school readiness and parent education program developed by North Dakota State University Extension Service.

One evening a week this fall and spring, Craig and I bring Eve to her future elementary school for an hour and a half. She gets a feel for a kindergarten classroom and projects. We meet other parents and learn about child development. One-year-old Owen plays with siblings of the enrolled students.

I told the other parents I signed Eve up more for myself than her. She recently started her second year of morning preschool and thrives in the classroom. She tells me daily at 11:30 a.m. pick-up that she wants to stay all day.

I know she’s ready for kindergarten.

I’m not sure I am.

I grew up in a small town, attending the same K-12 school through high school graduation. The building’s a rectangle, with four hallways surrounding the gym and cafeteria.

Eve’s elementary has wings for each grade level, two gyms and scores of entrances. I got lost trying to find the Gearing Up for Kindergarten classroom and had to ask a janitor for help. When we left that first night, sure we were exiting to the south where we’d parked, we found ourselves on the east side of the building.

It’s good we have a few more months to find our way around the place.

But the more I think about my hesitations, those deep breaths I’ve been taking, I realize they aren’t just based on the big versus small school experience, or even Eve being my first grade-schooler.

It’s that sneaky Father Time, who marches on no matter how many deep breaths I take.

My mom tells of bringing me to kindergarten orientation. Each of us was paired with an older student familiar to us. The teacher matched me with Brent, whose family lived on a farmstead a few miles from ours.

Mom had already sent three sons through those same school doors. She arrived at orientation thinking how glad she was to be free and clear of having kids at home all day.

Then Brent put his arm around me, Mom says, like he was going to marry me.

She cried all the way home.

The other day I came across a picture of Eve. She’s 15 months old, wearing a pink-and-white striped bib overall dress. Her hair is wispy and short. Her mouth is open in a playful scream. “Where did that girl go?” I wondered longingly.

Where’d this baby girl go??

Of course, she’s right here next to me as I type, playing with a wad of Silly Putty. She’s wearing blue jeans. Her hair is long.

The real question is: Where did that time go?

Just as I wonder today how the last 4½ years passed so quickly, when Eve enters the now familiar halls of her elementary school next fall, I’ll be wondering where the last year went. On her high school graduation day, I’ll wonder how we got so far from that kindergarten classroom.

And that’s why we’re gearing up for kindergarten. Because gears of time just keep turning.

For more information about Gearing up for Kindergarten, visit www.gearingupnd.org.

Sherri Richards is an employee of The Forum and mom to 4-year-old Eve and 1-year-old Owen.

Tapping my inner (inexpensive) artiste

Posted on by
1

This summer, we sacrificed our guest room/office/storage space and transitioned both kiddos into their own rooms. In hopes of doing so as frugally as possible, I sold some of the former room’s contents (vases, candle sconces, an office chair) through an online garage sale page, and put the proceeds toward an IKEA trip, where I got some great storage shelves that will hopefully be useful for years to come.

I didn’t want to spend a lot of money on decorative accessories for the kids’ new rooms, though, seeing as I’d just sold a bunch of home decor items.  I know my kids’ tastes will change even more rapidly than my own.

Instead, I created some inexpensive art projects I wanted to share with you.

First up is Eve’s room, where I put her artistic talents to use. I purchased these super inexpensive NYTTJA frames from IKEA, and framed paintings Eve had made. The two larger pieces she painted on a trip to the Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm. The smaller piece  (framed in a coordinating pink) she made at home. They’ll be easy to switch out through the years.

Ideally I’d hang these closer together and closer to the bed, but, well, there were already nails in the wall …

A watercolor masterpiece …

It took me longer to figure out art for Owen’s room. Finally I made a trip to Hobby Lobby, where I found two 8- by 10-inch canvases for $4.

I wrapped the first canvas in a piece of scrapbooking paper I got for 25 cents. I was hoping this alone would create a funky art piece, but as my husband said, it just kind of looked like a present. So I pulled out some scraps of solid-colored cardstock and mimicked the spaceship shape featured in the printed paper, gluing them on the paper and tracing them with a black marker. You could do the same thing with purchased embellishments.

I would have rather created a truck or boat (something more transportation themed than space) but this seemed like the easiest — and only vertical — option.

For the second canvas, I used small bottles of acrylic paint I’ve had in my craft basket for ages (I think they cost about $1 each), and some sponge brushes. I divided the canvas into four quadrants using blue painters tape, painting each corner a different color. Again, I thought this might be all I’d need to do, but it didn’t look that great. I thought about painting a ball or animal in each rectangle, but soon realized I’m not that talented. Instead I used stencils to trace the letters of Owen’s name with a black paint pen. I could have stopped at that point, but decided to fill in the letters using black acrylic paint. At that point the white lines looked out of place, so I painted them black, too.

Considering I made this up as I went, I’m pretty happy with how it turned out.

Other ideas I’ve seen include framing scrapbook paper or patterned fabric (look for frames with mattes at thrift stores or dollar stores), melting color crayons onto a canvas, or using painters tape to write a child’s name on the canvas and letting them fingerpaint over it.

How have you created inexpensive art for your home? What frugal art ideas would you like to try?