Tag Archives: shesays

Ready for a break from life in the hamster wheel

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My Parenting Perspectives column for Nov. 13 …

The realization hit me on a Monday as I hung my kids’ laundered-acouple-days-ago clothes in their closets.

I’m trapped in a hamster wheel.

I was finally finishing that round of laundry, and both their laundry baskets were already full of dirty clothes.

I’d stayed up late the night before to pick up the house. It was trashed by noon.

While I emptied the dishwasher, a pile of dirty dishes stared back at me from the sink.

Just as I breathed a sigh of relief for having finished one work assignment, three more were added to my plate.

Like those cute furry rodents, it feels like I run and run and run on my wheel and somehow find myself right back where I started.

“Can I hop off, please?” I begged my Facebook friends that Monday.

Obviously my complaint reflects an abundance of blessings. My kids have clothes. We have a home that gets messy and food that dirties our dishes. I have a job that pays me to write.

And surely the never-ending loop of life’s more mundane tasks grates on us all at some point. But I do believe it’s more acute for moms whose work centers in and around the home.

This concept first occurred to me this spring when I read “The Essential Stay-at-Home Mom Manual” by Moorhead native Shannon Hyland-Tassava.

In the book Hyland-Tassava talks about how frustrating that work-is-never-done aspect of motherhood can be. It’s not like at the office, when you can shut the door and say that’s all for the day, she says. There’s not the same separation.

Instead, she writes, moms need to manufacture their own breaks and end points, something I haven’t been successful at doing. Mostly, because I have trouble pinpointing any sort of end when I consider my litany of chores. Every fresh diaper gets soiled sooner or later (usually sooner).

As I think back at different points in my life, it seems like my time was devoted to forward progress. In college, each paper written or class passed brought me that much closer to a degree. In my 20s, I planned for a wedding, redecorated a house and prepared for my daughter’s arrival.

Now, though, I spend most of my time on tasks that constantly get undone.

I’ve thought a lot about setting new life goals to provide myself with an end-game, some forward progress to shoot for, but I’m not sure the answer is more work.

If anything, there’s a lack of play in my life.

When I made my hamster wheel analogy on Facebook, my friend Angie suggested a vacation to her Montana home would do wonders. I don’t disagree. A break – to hop off for a long weekend – may be just what the veterinarian ordered.

Perhaps I’ll try a different wheel. Roulette, for example. Vegas, here I come.

Sherri Richards is mom to 4-year-old Eve and 1-year-old Owen and a reporter for The Forum. She blogs at topmom.areavoices.com

Money-savin’ Mama: Learning to say no, and yes, to spending

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Over dinner a couple of months ago, two girlfriends and I ended up in tearful fits of laughter as they teased me for being too cheap to pay the new $7 rental fee for a double stroller at West Acres. We joked that I’d start piling both kids in my single stroller, forever scarring them but paying for their college with the savings.

“It’s funny because it’s true,” my friend Erin sputtered, wiping her eyes.

I wear my “cheap” label proudly, and encourage others to do the same. When someone compliments my shirt, I usually reply by telling them how little I paid for it, or the thrift store where I bought it.

Frugality wasn’t always my forte, though. When I first started working full time, I went out for lunch and an afternoon mocha almost daily, not worrying how quickly that money added up. Then, I faced a jaw-dropping dental bill. I emailed my co-workers and told them I wouldn’t be able to join them for lunches for a while. I couldn’t afford it.

A recent article on Huffington Post Women talked about the difficulty that comes in saying those four words: I can’t afford it. Sources quoted in the piece say we often feel pressured to spend by our peers, and that women especially feel pressured to spend on their appearance.

They suggested having honest discussions with friends and families about your spending limits, and carefully thinking over purchases.

To me, there’s no shame in saying “I can’t afford it,” “it’s not in our budget” or “that’s not a priority for me right now.” It’s standing in your truth, as financial guru Suze Orman challenged readers to do in her 2011 book “The Money Class.”

Racking up credit card debt on unnecessary purchases means you’re pretending to be someone you’re not. It means you haven’t learned to live within your means, and to distinguish your wants from your needs.

However, I’m beginning to realize, being too cheap has its downfalls, too.

I’ve gotten so good at saying no to unnecessary purchases I’ve found it hard to buy things for myself even when funds are available.

I currently have a stack of gift cards that I just can’t seem to bring myself to spend. Because I don’t really “need” anything, I keep telling myself.

One of the gift cards was a bonus from my employer for my 10-year anniversary at The Forum. I was given my choice of merchants, and purposely picked West Acres, as I knew I couldn’t spend it on anything too practical there. No toilet paper, no diapers, no gallons of milk.

But now I’m struggling to splurge. I thought about buying a new outfit for an upcoming wedding, but then remembered the teal dress in my closet that I’ve only worn a couple of times. I could get a pair of killer nude heels but decided I probably wouldn’t wear them that much.

So I’m forcing myself to analyze my wants a little more. What indulgence, within the dollar amount of the gift card, would bring me joy?

I may have to go strolling around West Acres to find it, if I can bring myself to rent that $7 double stroller.

Sherri Richards is a thrifty mom of two and employee of The Forum. She blogs at www.topmom.areavoices.com.

Tapping my inner (inexpensive) artiste

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This summer, we sacrificed our guest room/office/storage space and transitioned both kiddos into their own rooms. In hopes of doing so as frugally as possible, I sold some of the former room’s contents (vases, candle sconces, an office chair) through an online garage sale page, and put the proceeds toward an IKEA trip, where I got some great storage shelves that will hopefully be useful for years to come.

I didn’t want to spend a lot of money on decorative accessories for the kids’ new rooms, though, seeing as I’d just sold a bunch of home decor items.  I know my kids’ tastes will change even more rapidly than my own.

Instead, I created some inexpensive art projects I wanted to share with you.

First up is Eve’s room, where I put her artistic talents to use. I purchased these super inexpensive NYTTJA frames from IKEA, and framed paintings Eve had made. The two larger pieces she painted on a trip to the Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm. The smaller piece  (framed in a coordinating pink) she made at home. They’ll be easy to switch out through the years.

Ideally I’d hang these closer together and closer to the bed, but, well, there were already nails in the wall …

A watercolor masterpiece …

It took me longer to figure out art for Owen’s room. Finally I made a trip to Hobby Lobby, where I found two 8- by 10-inch canvases for $4.

I wrapped the first canvas in a piece of scrapbooking paper I got for 25 cents. I was hoping this alone would create a funky art piece, but as my husband said, it just kind of looked like a present. So I pulled out some scraps of solid-colored cardstock and mimicked the spaceship shape featured in the printed paper, gluing them on the paper and tracing them with a black marker. You could do the same thing with purchased embellishments.

I would have rather created a truck or boat (something more transportation themed than space) but this seemed like the easiest — and only vertical — option.

For the second canvas, I used small bottles of acrylic paint I’ve had in my craft basket for ages (I think they cost about $1 each), and some sponge brushes. I divided the canvas into four quadrants using blue painters tape, painting each corner a different color. Again, I thought this might be all I’d need to do, but it didn’t look that great. I thought about painting a ball or animal in each rectangle, but soon realized I’m not that talented. Instead I used stencils to trace the letters of Owen’s name with a black paint pen. I could have stopped at that point, but decided to fill in the letters using black acrylic paint. At that point the white lines looked out of place, so I painted them black, too.

Considering I made this up as I went, I’m pretty happy with how it turned out.

Other ideas I’ve seen include framing scrapbook paper or patterned fabric (look for frames with mattes at thrift stores or dollar stores), melting color crayons onto a canvas, or using painters tape to write a child’s name on the canvas and letting them fingerpaint over it.

How have you created inexpensive art for your home? What frugal art ideas would you like to try?

Meeting Mrs. Claus

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Obviously I write a lot about my kids on this blog and in my Parenting Perspectives column (which you should look for tomorrow, btw). But the larger part of my job is writing articles for the SheSays section of The Forum.  While these are sometimes about moms or kids or parenting issues, they have little to do with my own family.

So it was a rarity when these two worlds collided earlier this month. I had the privilege of interviewing Fargo’s own Mrs. Claus, who is a constant figure at Santa’s Village at Rheault Farm. You can read the feature in today’s paper.

Ever since Eve was born in 2008, my family has made a yearly visit to the farm, to watch the toy train go round and round its tracks, to write a letter to Santa, to see the reindeer, to sit on Santa’s lap, and to make cookies with Mrs. Claus in the farmhouse’s kitchen.

I was glad to get a chance to know more about this woman who Eve has visited year after year, as have so many other local kids and families. It was an extra treat, a few days after I sat down with her, to bring Eve and newborn Owen into her kitchen. We had lots of fun as the kids poured sprinkles on their frosted sugar cookies.

Here’s a look at my own family’s interactions with Fargo’s Own Mrs. Claus through the years:

Here's Eve making cookies with Mrs. Santa in 2009. She was about 21 months old

And again in 2010 (age 2 1/2)

And again in 2011, now with little brother

Hair today, gone tomorrow

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“Are you cutting your lovely locks?” the kindly grandma waiting for her stylist asked as I hung up my coat. I nodded.

“Short?” she queried.

“Real short,” I answered, explaining how I planned to donate the cut hair to Locks of Love, which provides human-hair prosthesis to children who have lost their hair due to medical reasons.

“Someone will be very lucky to get it,” she said. “You have beautiful hair.”

I wrote in Sunday’s Forum about the power struggle of sorts I’d been having with my long, wavy hair. Last week, as I put the finishing touches on a three-day, five-story series on the power of hair, I decided it was time to end the struggle, and make the big cut.

I scheduled a last-minute appointment Wednesday morning at the beauty school. (For readers familiar with my Money-Savin’ Mama posts, you’ll be proud to note I got my hair cut for $3 plus tip, thanks to a $10 discount card.) My stylist, Britney, said she had never had a request like mine.

After repeatedly consulting one of her instructors, Britney bundled my hair into a thick ponytail using three clear bands. A few other students gathered around as she sawed her way through the strands at the base of my neck. She told me later her heart was pounding as she chopped nearly 10 inches from my head.

My "lovely locks," bundled up

 

The Big Snip

 

The final cut

I was at peace with my decision, and excited about the layered bob we’d decided on for my new style. It felt so good when Britney expressed awe that my hair color was all natural (“It’s so pretty!”) and told me how healthy my hair was.

Then dear, sweet, young Britney inadvertantly said something quite ironic, given that all my hesitation in cutting my hair stemmed from my fear of having “mom hair.”

“We’ll give you the mom invert,” she said, referring to the angled cut that’s shorter in the back and longer in the front.

“Did you say ‘mom’?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she said brightly. “I always think of moms when I see this invert.”

“I don’t want mom hair!” I cried.

“Not old mom,” Britney quickly reassured me. “Cute, new mom!”

I wasn’t convinced, even when the grandma from the waiting area complimented my new haircut. My husband also said he liked it. I played with it more when I got home.

The new 'do

Of course my toughest, most honest critic would be my 3-year-old daughter Eve, who loves to brush my long hair. She questioned repeatedly why I had cut my hair. She considered it carefully.

“You don’t look like a mommy,” Eve finally told me.

I perked up. Had I escaped the dreaded “mom hair” afterall?

“You look like a daddy,” she finished.

Oh. Great. Good thing hair grows back.

Donating locks worth the risk of ‘mom hair’

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Over the past three days, the SheSays section has featured stories of hair, illustrating the power it has in shaping self-identity and even expressing faith. The series was inspired by a power struggle of sorts with my own hair, as I debated cutting it the past few months.

During both my pregnancies, in 2008 and again this year, I let my hair grow out. Those pregnancy hormones did crazy thing to my body, but amazing things for my hair. The longest layers nearly reach the middle of my back.

As my now 3-year-old daughter brushes out my hair with a pink, plastic Barbie-sized brush, she tells me my hair is like “Tangled” – an animated adaptation of “Rapunzel” and her new favorite movie. In this version, Rapunzel’s 70-foot long mane has magical healing powers. Eve tells me she wants hair like mine, too.

My hair, a bit blurry, as photographed by Eve

At a high school graduation party this spring, I noticed a clique of teen girls, all willowy thin, all wearing variations of the same short sundress, and all sporting long, loose locks like mine. “Who am I kidding?” I suddenly thought. “I’m too old to have the same hair as a teenage girl.”

I told myself I should get it cut, but didn’t. Now Baby Owen’s chubby hands have started grasping and pulling on my long strands. Plus, I’m shedding like crazy, as most women do postpartum. My husband disgustedly pulled one of my foot-long strands out of his casserole the other night, reason enough to sport a shorter ‘do.

Still, I’ve hesitated to get it cut, relishing the compliments I get on my mane, and mainly because I recall the words of a beautiful, younger, Brazilian friend.

I met Thai, a college buddy’s wife, four years ago when I was pregnant with my daughter. In her charming accent, she immediately complimented my long, wavy hair, and noted she was glad that, even though I was pregnant, I didn’t have “mom hair.” You know, short and practical.

Three months after Eve was born, I cut off all my hair, donating two ponytails to Locks of Love, an organization that gives human hair wigs to kids who’ve lost their hair for medical reasons. Eve’s little hands had discovered the strands, and I was going back to work. I needed something more practical, something short.

Thai’s comment stuck with me, though, after that and several more haircuts. “Mom hair.” Whenever the word “mom” is used as an adjective, it’s not good. It indicates something is unsexy or dated. See: Mom jeans.

This time around, having entered my 30s, I didn’t want the equivalent of mom jeans on my head.

Then I interviewed Sally Larson, whose daughter Sophie began losing her hair as a toddler. Sophie recently received a human hair wig from Locks of Love, a story we shared in Friday’s paper.

Hearing how that wig has helped Sophie feel more confident and allowed her to curl and style her hair just like other little girls made me realize that my hair does have special powers, like “Tangled.” It has the power to help.

To help a child like Sophie who doesn’t have hair of her own.

I’ve decided to again donate my hair to Locks of Love. I’ll happily have “mom hair” if that’s the end result.

Besides, I’m pretty sure my daily haphazard ponytail screams “mom” more than any short hairdo.

Check out the Forum Mom blog on Monday to read about the long-debated haircut and to see photos of my new ‘do.

A new dress in the (paper) bag

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Money Savin’ Mama isn’t necessarily known for her fashion sense. But she sure has fashion cents. Check out the outfit I’ll be wearing to a formal dinner during homecoming at my Alma mater, the University of North Dakota, this weekend.

New sparkly dress and shoes

The shoes are, if I may say, fabulous. And the price was pretty fabulous, too, at 80 percent off. I paid $14 for them at JCPenney.

Hiiiiiigh heels

But the dress was the real steal. Because it literally cost me spare change. I bought it during the last bag sale at the Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch Thrift Store in south Fargo.

Twice a year, each of the four area Boys Ranch stores holds a bag sale, on four consecutive Saturdays (usually in January/February and July/August). Customers fill a grocery-size paper bag with all the clothes and shoes that will fit and pay only $4 per bag. It’s a great way to buy lots of kids’ clothes for cheap, because kids’ clothes don’t take up much space in the bag. But it’s also worth picking up a few things for yourself, for what ends up being pennies (OK, dimes) per item.

Here’s why: The racks often contains brand new clothing items, most recently seen in Target stores. I’ve actually gotten items there that I’ve later seen still at a Target.

Sure, there are also lots of great gently used items on the racks, too, that are worth stuffing in your brown bag. But the new items are more likely to be in excellent condition and in fashion. Plus, well, they’re new.

How can you tell if it’s a new item? There are generally two clues. First, there will be several of the same shirt or pants or pair of shoes, which isn’t usually the case with used items. Second, you can tell by the tag. It will feature the name of a common Target brand (Merona, Mossimo and Liz Lange maternity are a few examples) with a black marker line through it. I’m not 100 percent certain why they do this, but I’m guessing it’s so people can’t return the donated clothing to the original store.

Black marker line through Target brand

If an item doesn’t end up fitting right, or I decide later isn’t my style, I re-donate it. But that’s usually the exception. I just counted no fewer than 12 bag sale finds in my closet that I wear on a regular basis. I’ve also found a few polo shirts for my husband, and lots of clothes for my kids, including winter coats.

A warning: Bag Sale Day is not for the faint of heart. The crowds are a bit overwhelming, especially when the store first opens at 9 a.m. It’s considerably less busy in the afternoon, but the inventory is smaller. For those who choose not to brown bag it, each store prices all its clothes and shoes at 50 percent off the week leading up to its bag sale.

Either way it makes good fashion sense, and cents.

Tricks for budget-friendly Halloween costumes

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Halloween can be tricky (pun intended) for parents on a budget. When my daughter first told me she wanted to be Jessie the cowgirl of “Toy Story” fame for Halloween, I began bargain hunting for a costume online. Unfortunately, there were no bargains to be had. The cheapest I could find a costume from a reputable seller was around $30.

I’d bought Eve’s first two Halloween costumes — a lion and a monkey – for about $8 each from Once Upon a Child, a gently used children’s clothing store in south Fargo. Last year I splurged. She wanted to be Elmo, and I couldn’t find a second-hand costume anywhere. I broke down and paid $17 for the red, furry cover-up at Target, pairing it with red sweatpants and a red turtleneck already in her closet. I admit, it was worth it.

But this year, rather than break out my checkbook, I decided to break out my craft supplies.

Eve already had a pair of Jessie cowgirl boots, a 3rd birthday present from her cousin. And a friend had found a red cowboy hat at a dollar store. She has jeans, so all we really needed was Jessie’s trademark Western shirt, brown belt and cowhide chaps.

I found a used white blouse in her size for $2.50 and spent about $2 on red puff paint and foam brushes. Using those and yellow acrylic paint already in my craft basket, I painted the shirt, copying pictures of Jessie from books and Eve’s Jessie doll.

I tapped my mom’s sewing skills for the chaps. It took a little looking, but I bought a half-yard of the holstein-print fabric for around $2.75. Mom had the elastic and fringe among her supplies and after I traced a rough pattern, she whipped them up in a matter of minutes. (If I wouldn’t have had access to Mom’s mad sewing skills, I would have simply cut out the chaps, forgone a seam, and safety-pinned them to the jeans.)

Mom also sewed a plastic ring to the back of the hand-painted shirt, mimicking Jessie’s pullstring.

I used my own needle, some scrap white yarn, ribbon and hot glue to adorn the dollar-store hat. I cut down an old belt that must have shurnk in the closet (funny how that happens), and YEE-haw, we have a Jessie.

As far as Little Owen, I thought he could maybe be Bullseye, Jessie’s trusty steed. But while searching for a 0-3 month horse costume, I found the cutest Carter’s brand penguin costume for $3 at the Dakota Boys Ranch. I couldn’t resist. Besides, we can just say he’s “Wheezy,” the singing penguin also featured in “Toy Story 2.”

By using things I had around the house, getting a little crafty and thrifting, I got two kid costumes for around $10. I’d say that’s a pretty good treat for my wallet.

Changes in The Forum, changes for Forum Mom

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Today’s issue of The Forum revealed some exciting changes for Fargo-Moorhead’s daily newspaper. Be sure to check out the new SheSays section – six full-color pages created by women, for women, seven days a week — as well as the five-day-a-week Variety section.

The first SheSays front cover

I’m excited to be part of the SheSays staff as a part-time reporter and columnist. My Parenting Perspectives column will continue to appear there about once a month, as well as a new column.

I’m now also the “Money-Savin’ Mama.”

This column, appearing the first Friday of each month, will share my family’s efforts to save money, shop smart, pay off our house early and build a retirement nest egg as we raise two kids and live on less than two incomes.

This new role means exciting changes to this blog, as well. I’ll re-post the column on this blog, just as I do with my Parenting Perspective pieces. And along with regular blog entries about my motherhood, I’ll share more Money-Savin’ Mama stories and ideas here.

Look for the first column soon, followed by a blog sharing my kids’ thrifty Halloween costumes.